How to Change a Diaper in 10 Easy Steps
Diaper Changes Made Easy
I have three kids ages 6, 4, and 10 months. That means that other than the 6 month reprieve between my middle child FINALLY potty training (or finally choosing to use the potty that he had known how to use for 9 months, however you want to look at it) and the birth of my youngest, I have changed somewhere around 10,000 diapers. Cloth diapers, disposable diapers, hybrid diapers, you name it, we’ve used it. Doing anything 10,000 times, pretty much makes you an expert. So here I am, the expert, ready to show you how to change a diaper in 10 easy step.
Place baby in the designated changing space. Carefully lay baby on his back and ever so gently, lie his head down.
Turn the baby back over because he or she turned over in the last .5 seconds. Hold the baby down with one arm while baby screams.
Remove baby’s lower clothing. This might take a little while as baby will continue to flip over 6 more times before you are able to undo the 500 snaps that are “conveniently” located on your baby’s clothing.
Search for a toy that is within arms reach to distract your baby while you change the diaper. Do this while keeping a hand on the baby to prevent her from falling off the changing table or flipping back over.
Save your child’s life as they attempt to crawl off of the changing table to retrieve the toy they just dropped that distracted them just long enough for you to untape one side of the diaper.
Carefully and slowly open the diaper. Quickly cover the baby back up to save yourself from being peed on.
Remove your shirt and the changing pad cover that got pee on them because you were not quick enough and pee is now everywhere.
Get the new diaper ready and slide it under the baby. Wipe the baby (front to back for girls!) and remove the old diaper.
Step 8 1/2:
If the diaper was a poopy diaper, you will need to wipe again because baby has managed to get both feet and hands covered in poop in the process of being wiped and removing the diaper. Speaking of this, you had better get another diaper ready because the one you carefully prepared is now either a) mysteriously covered in poop, b) already peed on. Again. or c) Torn to shreds between the time you disposed of the old diaper and looked back at the baby.
Proceed to have a wrestling match with a two foot tall baby with superhuman strength while attempting to fasten the diaper on both sides. (Point little boys down!)
Refasten the 500 snaps on the baby clothes and pour yourself a glass of wine.